Open letters

An open letter to the choreographer of the Events of This Morning when I dropped Maria off in York to take her exam.

To the idiot who put the address in the system for the testing center:

The location, my friend, that you have given the world is not of a strip mall testing center. It is, in fact, that of a cul-de-sac off of Route 24. It is in nearly the mirror opposite -- by using Route 30 as a mirror -- as the actual location. Could I have checked it against a real mapping system? Yes. Should I have? Yes. Should we have made a dry run? Yes. Did we? No. Is any of that the point? No.

To the stupid lady working at the testing center:

The instructions that are given to test takers is to be there a half hour before the exam begins. The exam was set to begin at 8 a.m. Thus, we were there at about 7:33 (see story above). But where were you? You were still on your way. And showed up about 7:45 and didn't let us in until 7:50 when we had to KNOCK ON THE DOOR. Could you maybe have turned the lights on? Little help?

To the pinhead in the Buick Rendezvous:

In an empty parking lot, with so many choices, why would you choose to park directly in front of me? You coulnd't have parked next to me? Or in another row? I guess you thought that I was staying. No. So instead of pulling through, I had to back up. Because you were in front of me.

To the knucklehead in the white Saturn:

You showed up to take an exam early in the morning just as Maria. But you came alone. And when you parked your car in the giant empty parking lot, you actually took the time to back into a space. Did you not notice the 200 empty spaces that you could have simply driven into? Why did you have to back into a spot? Really? Why?

To Adam:

Thanks so much for allowing yourself to be woken at 6:30 a.m. with a frantic, "Where the hell am I in York?" call. Without you, we would probably still be driving around aimlessly in York, looking for the testing center in some silly residential area.